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  • Writer's pictureLauren Azar

Attack of the Lists!

When exactly did blogs become completely about making lists of things? Then when did blogs that list things become entire websites? Whenever that came to be, I'm not sure, but I do know it seems as though they're overtaking the internet.

You know what I'm talking about, don't be ashamed. I'm guilty as well --- I love my share of lists and I don't care who knows it. From Buzzfeed to the Chive to anything someone posts that starts with "The Top 50," or "The 10 Worst," or "12 Secret Ways to so and so". I need to know those ways to so and so. And what's even more fun than reading the lists? Harshly judging lists with which you disagree. I sat down and watched Citizen Kane, and diagnosed it with a whole lot of nope. So does it really need to be #1 on everyone's "Best Movies of All Time" lists? Rosebud is a damn sled. A sled. Orson Welles is a total nut job and I think it's hilarious that we use the term "genius" instead. Where is the line exactly? Because he tripped over it and landed on a pile of crazy. The only thing Citizen Kane did well was inspire other artists who stayed safely behind genius lines to make movies that were, you know, good.

See what fun that was?! Now it's your turn. I'm going to make a list of the top reasons why people love lists and then you can judge mine!

The Top 5 Reasons People Love Lists

1. Morbid Curiosity! When we are offered information that may inform us of something other people don't know, it's irresistible. So any lists that involve secrets are utmost importance. When a list contains the top, best or worst, you're signing on for subjective opinions. Naturally, you want to know if you agree or disagree and usually have one or two ideas for the list that will make you immediately invalidate the list if omitted by the author.

2. It's Like Reading, But Not! The digital age has really killed people's attention spans. Phone calls which require exchanging pleasantries and using complete sentences, are exponentially being replaced by text messages in not only social interactions, but business, customer service and professional communications as well. I just texted CVS back yesterday to fill my prescription! We've come a long way from being surprised your aunt could text. TTYL Grandma!

3. They're Perfect for Wasting Time! There's a reason most of the lists on the more pointless side usually have 12 items or less. It's the express lane of procrastination! When you know you should be working, you can use lists as the perfect time wasting tool that's a bit more than Facebook but less time consuming than an most articles. Goldilocks recommends it as the deferred action activity that's juuust right.

3. They're Mostly Pictures! Do yourself a favor and check out the comments section of any Buzzfeed list. I'll give you $20 (no, I won't) if you can't find someone complaining about the lack of content on the lists. I've read so many comments that critique the lists as "all pictures and gifs and barely any writing!" That's why we came here, angry troll person, what did you expect? If you want more content, they have plenty of well-written and thoughtful articles as well. Forget it, you'll just complain that they "should stick to dumb quizes [sic] n [sic] lists n [sic] not try do [sic] real reprting [sic]". It makes me [sic]!

4. Trolling is a Sport! Want to be a troll but don't like reading, research or respect? Lists are the perfect way to take out your frustrations & anger or lack of friends, daylight & sexual prowess. There's no better way to spend your time between shifts at Radio Shack than scrolling through a list and forming an opinion that will offend the most people. Here's to happy trolling! Also your dad thinks it's really time to start paying rent and mom said dinner is ready.

5. They're Addictive! You're still reading this aren't you?

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